tick tock

i am sitting here - procrastinating and watching the clock, wishing it would turn faster. waiting on my mom, dad, sister and grandma to get here. they will be in tonight. i am sure that there are a million things that i should be doing to get ready or could be doing to get ready. but instead i keep entering their flight numbers into the status on the airline website to see if they are flying any faster then they were 5 minutes ago. i am certain that when rob comes home in a little bit he will have lots for me to do to occupy my mind. but until then. i am just waiting.

tick

tock

it's beginning to look a lot like

my christmas decorations

Hiatus

ok, so i haven't written in a while. i have been really busy. and kind of out of it, as my life has decided to fuck with me... just to see if i am paying attention.

november 30th started like any other day at my office, until i got laid off. yep, that's right. working at a large university does not in fact guarantee your employment through a recession. i am actually really ok with it, since i think it is just a way of my life letting me know to get off my ass and do something with it. but it is still a bit of a stressor.

then december 4th, i was up all night puking. thought i had food poisoning. saturday i was out of it, (duh i thought, after all i was UP ALL NIGHT PUKING) then that night i spiked a fever, had chills woke up sunday thinking i had been hit my a bus, run over and drug along a back country road. finally gave up on the all natural remedies and went to the dr on wednesday. he told me that it might be the flu (yes, THAT flu) but that he wasn't going to test since it was too late for the anti virals. (um, ok...) then friday, fatty mcnatty woke up sick, so i took her to her doctor and while i was there i got a free once over by him and he told me "you are on the wrong medicine." wrote me a new prescription. to take care of my sinus infection, ear infection and upper respiratory infection. fatty mcnatty had the sinus, ear and pink eye. we are a yummy bunch. so i switched medicine and monday didn't feel any better and now have a debilitating cough that actually makes me stop breathing. but it's cool, i actually don't need oxygen. you know, being a superhero and all. anyway, i call the pediatrician, who is actually a general practitioner, to see what i can take while breastfeeding, because dammit, being up all night coughing is not my idea of fun. he calls me in something. (at this point i could go into my last of MANY reasons as to why i will never ever ever buy anything ever ever at a walgreens again - but that will bore all of you to death and take up too much room) i pick it up and it does not a damn thing for my cough. so i called today, and switched to be a patient of his. he is worried about me being sick since it makes me useless, and i tell him to write me a prescription for a nanny, maid and a week in bed. he just laughs at me.

but i did get a fabulous shot in my ass. well not IN my ass, but in my "hip" which last time i checked it not where the shot actually ended up. some crazy ass super strong KILL EVERYTHING IN YOUR SYSTEM antibiotic shot that is supposed to make me all better. and i got an inhaler so i can breath if i want to. and some steroids to speed up my healing. and some serious cough syrup. so GOD WILLING i will wake up tomorrow (which means actually getting to sleep!!) and feel like a million bucks. minus feeling like i was shot in the ass. which is how i feel now. 1/2 deaf, congested and ass shot.

but it has been a great couple of weeks.

thanksgiving eve

texas capitol

babyhead and uncle derrik

babyhead and papa tim

babyhead and leigh

Thanksgiving

a few snapshots from our day

it was a great feast

happy 6 months fatty mcnatty!

so, has it really been 6 months? really??

she is not a baby anymore. i mean she looks like one, i guess, but she is growing up so fast. she can sit up and she is starting to reach for stuff, putting down one hand to balance. she loves being on her tummy, and she can scoot backwards, but not forwards yet. she can roll over so fast you have to keep a hand on her at all times if she is elevated. she has her two bottom teeth and thinks that biting me is pretty funny. she babbles a lot and she and babyhead are actually starting to be able to play together. she is eating solid food. she was 17 pounds a few weeks ago when i took her to the doctor when she was sick. she is really a fatty mcnatty!

her newest trick - when she is sitting on the boppy in my lap, she leans forward and grabs my shoulders and stands up. she is pulling up. SHE IS PULLING UP?!?! oh crap!

i have no doubt that she will be like her daddy and crawl just long enough to figure out how to get to a place to pull up and then start walking. if you hold her hands she will try to walk already. i mean, come on girl. you are 6 months old. for real. where did my baby go??

resemblence

above is the latest picture of fatty mcnatty - at least that is what i see, and feel, when she nurses now... crazy shape shifter

maybe she's had enough booby-time...

in the name of all thing holy

this is what my neighbors are doing today. let me make a note that it is ONLY november 14th. thanksgiving is still over 10 days away....

maybe they got a discount for a company that does it professionally?

all i want for christmas

well, maybe not christmas, since it is still 6 weeks away...

fatty mcnatty has 2 teeth now. which is crazy - babyhead didn't have teeth until she was 9 months old. fatty mcnatty is growing up too fast....

at the park

this is what babyhead does at the park - go figure. daddy-o is proud, that's for sure.

fatty mcnatty

while babyhead was playing at the park, fatty mcnatty was perfecting her george w. bush impression

i swear that looks like him in this photo... i think it is the way she is holding her mouth in that smirk....

hey mommy? you want to have a heart attack?

more from the park

beautiful in so many ways

first bubbler

shout out to wisconsin

the park

so it only took me like three and a half years to figure out that if your kid has a ton of energy to go to the park...

this is the result - caution you will be exhausted when you are done looking at these

pure silliness

pure happiness

pure beautifulness

she has been thinking of doing this for quite some time, and managed to accomplish it today!

being restful

fatty mcnatty's newest trick

and no it is not "looking cute" - that is an old trick now. she is sitting up ON HER OWN

oh and when you put her down she is never is the same place where you left her. oh and she asked rob to buy her a bmw so the she could go the the mall and meet her friends and go shopping because DON'T YOU KNOW I HATE BEING DROPPED OFF WITH MY FRIENDS WATCHING

oh my god....

Halloween

so - in all my great mommy moments, i managed to not get a single picture of babyhead dressed up like the worlds cutest pumpkin.... oh well. but here is fatty mcnatty as a pea.

.

good things come in 3's

BirthCut just posted my VBAC story.

one thing i really like about birthcut is the "cesarean rage" page... it is making me feel comfortable to talk about something that i have never posted out there before. it makes me realize that i am not alone, i was not wrong or selfish for feeling the way i did about babyhead's birth. that my feeling of loss was normal. that feeling like i failed was ok. that feeling like i had cheated babyhead out of the birth as much as i was cheated out of it was a surprisingly common feeling. that wanting more than a healthy baby wasn't wrong. that crying every time i thought of her delivery was not inappropriate or "overreactional". that crying every time i heard of a vaginal delivery going "fine" and having huge fits of jealousy raging inside of me trying to get out was ok. all of this was ok to feel. it is all a part of a grieving process. and i know that while the love of my life was probably getting tired of hearing about it, rob stood by me a listened and helped me move on - helped my come to terms with my anger and fear and helped me get the birth i wanted. i couldn't have done all of that without him. he is proud of me for fatty mcnattys birth, and proud of me for getting the word out there. part of my grieving process included having a close friend have the birth i had always dreamed of, and because she thought to call me, mere minutes after birth, to tell me the story herself, it became a moment of change, instead of a moment of jealousy. so thank you lauren for that. i see that moment - of me standing in my driveway talking to you on the phone - so clearly. you gave me the courage to move on, to move past and to try again. and you weren't even on that mission. you just wanted to let me know that baby was born. i have to thank my friend catherine, whom while i have never met, she and i have bonded in chat rooms, via e-mail, and phone calls, over failed birth experiences and the courage to VBAC, thank you catherine for believing in me and knowing i could do it. i know you can do it too! i have to thank my mom for coming down here and putting up with me for nearly 3 weeks while we waited and waited and waited for fatty mcnatty to show up. and for helping me and believing in me and trusting my body to do what it needed to even when i started to doubt it. for sharing her experience with me and having me know that 1 high-tech birth does not mean you have to have another. and lastly i need to thank meredith. with her unwavering love, support and strength, i got through the last of the doubt, the last of the emotional pain. she had courage to go forward when i was loosing mine. she had the strength to ask questions and ask for more time when perhaps i might have given in. she was a critical piece of my success and i will be forever indebted to her for that.

i know it has taken me a while to get all of this out. i am sure that there is more to say that i have forgotten. but this is a start.

the best part is that i feel better now then ever. and babyheads "birth", if you can call it that, has faded. i am ok now. and ready to help the next woman. paying it forward.

clarification

so there seems to have been some confusion from people regarding babyhead holding a t-bone steak in her hand. it is based on a song that my mom used to sing to us and apparently her father used to sing to her and my aunt. (that part i didn't know) and usually the singing of the song commenced with being given a bone from whatever animal carcass the herd was disassembling that evening, to chew on.

rockstar

it is a little blurry, but you get the idea - it was the cutest outfit

1st swing

She loved it - laughed and laughed and laughed

a family tradition

and the little ones chew on the bones-ohs.

Baby Hana 5 Months!

so , what is new with fatty mcnatty?

she absolutely thinks that big sister is the funniest thing in the world. i was starting to worry since she didn't laugh very much. i couldn't get her to laugh. but apparently i am just not a funny as big sister running around being goofy, because fatty mcnatty cracks up when babyhead is around. it is the cutest thing ever...

she isn't crawling, but if you put a toy in front of her she will launch herself after it. she is rolling around and nearly sitting up on her own. a few more weeks and she will be on her own i bet.

she also seems to really like kids in general and really likes her teachers it seems. which is all really good!

she is chewing on everything and i think she might be working on a tooth, but perhaps not.

she tried cereal for the first time and wants absolutely nothing to do with it - at ALL thankyouverymuch....

she spit it right out....

but a baby spoon is her new favorite toy...

Little Model

Some pictures of Madison playing in the park

Pictureless

i just realized that i have an entire page with no pictures on this blog - wtf.

i am going to go make some pictures RIGHT NOW

so sorry internet for neglecting you from my life

maybe it was me, or maybe not (the post of links)

i am not going to take the credit, since i cannot believe that it would be me to do all of this, but a few weeks ago i found a story about a woman in arizona whose hospital was going to court order her to have a c-section. i read the article, blew up and googled the woman's name. then i got a phone number, and called her. she was really touched that i did. we conspired together for a few minutes and i told her that with her permission i was going to go global with it. she said go ahead. i started emailing every news channel i knew. i emailed ricki lake. i emailed cnn. then lo and behold - cnn listened to me. it was one of their top stories yesterday. and as of this morning was still one of the most emailed.

i made a promise to myself that if i had my successful vbac, that i would no longer sit idly by and let what happened to me on my first birth happen to anyone else. if i could prevent just 1 unnecesarean - i would be happy. so i have to stand by my word.

one story at a time, i will change the way births are handled in the country. i promise.

Woah Momma

ok - so i took a small break from this whole blogging thing. but we have been really busy. madison can now write her name and write papa. she did it the other morning when papa tim was staying with us. totally impressed me. and then this morning she cleaned her room. on her own. with me only saying before hand "we should clean your room this weekend". wow. i love that kid. when she is good she is very very good and when she is bad she is, well, horrid, as the poem goes. funny, my grandma used to say the same thing about me...

hana is movin'. now when i put her down and leave the room, when i come back she is in a different spot. she isn't crawling, but she flips and spins and hovers and used the force to get where she wants. then she looks at you like "how the hell did that happen. oh and i am cute, kiss me" she is funny though, she will not do it if you are watching her. she refuses. i guess it is like a magician revealing his tricks. whatever.

hana is also really into kisses. the other night she planted her slobbery wet mouth on my cheek and i cracked up and she pulled back and smiled the biggest toothless grin you can imagine and then once i stopped laughing i said "kisses?" and she did it again. and again. and again. in fact i timed it and that fun lasted 48 minutes. i am not kidding. but how can you stop that? then last night while helping madison wipe her butt i hear rob cracking up on the couch and i peak around the corner and there is hana kissing on her daddy. on her own. totally unprompted. like "i love you daddy and i am cute". so pretty cool. rob was pretty touched i think. the he wiped off the slobber and handed her back.

new everyday camera

so, i know that the birthday snail in my family is still researching the "real" camera that i want to get, but i also got a new everyday camera, since our point and shoot is like 5 years old and frankly just big and not really good quality pictures anymore.

i will post some example photos here later, maybe tonight or tomorrow.

it also takes short hd videos, with sound, so that will be great. i was watching some video of babyhead when she was little and can't believe just how big she is now...

Stand in the place where you live

so, leaving the neighborhood today babyhead said "are we going to the highway?" and i said "yes" and she says "we are going left".....

she knows her right and left!! hell i still get confused on right and left.

then again, as rob so nicely put it, "she has a 50% chance of getting it correct"

whatever... she is a genius!

spinnin' spinnin'

so daycare tells me today at lunch that fatty mcnatty is rolling over.

its about damn time - though i still haven't see it myself.

and another chance for healing

so, as it turns out, my birth story is one that a lot of other people want and need to hear...

i made it onto another blog - its the same story about little old me but its there...

excuse me while i go pat myself on the back

http://www.theunnecesarean.com/birth-stories/katies-story-8-lbs-1-oz-hospital-vbac.html

4 month update

well, i don't have any pictures to add today, however i might get some up tomorrow. hana is growing like a, well, baby. she was 15lbs, 11 oz at her 4 month checkup. almost 2x her birth weight. i was worried that she wasn't getting enough to eat, so obviously my worrying was for nought.

she is trying really hard to sit up - in fact this weekend she would put her hands down to catch herself and could prop herself up like that for a little bit, longer than a few seconds. she is smiley and can laugh, but while lots of things make her smile, her humor must be beyond mine because she rarely laughs at the things i do.

she is really strong too. on her belly she can push herself forward a bit and can push up with her arms really well. she has not rolled over yet, but i am not concerned. i know that she has the strength to do it, but i think she just hasn't had the opportunity.

madison is doing well as big sister. she is also driving rob and me nuts, but she is 3 and i hope to god that this is the worst of it. i just started a job chart for her to complete every day and if she does 1 job every day for the week she will get a special prize (stickers, bouncy ball, something)

i can't wait to see what the next month holds. i love my girls. they teach me something new every day, especially patience....

The greatest invention that never was

there are simply no words. in this case, a picture truly is worth a thousand words

http://www.google.com/patents?id=qtFaAAAAEBAJ&printsec=drawing&zoom=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false

USA Today article on Home Births

I have always said I wanted to have my babies at home in the tub. Rob said no the first time, (which may have been a good thing looking back), and by the 3rd day of labor with Fatty McNatty he was willing to let me have her anywhere I wanted to, so long as I just had her.

One of my friends pointed out that the best part of the hospital is that all the mess stays there. That at the end of the day, if you can still get an all natural delivery at the hospital, you might as well go there so they can deal with the blood and placenta and all the other great stuff.

Now that I have had that birth, and seen the mess, I tend to agree. However, I still have a fantasy of having one at home.

This article is great because it is a main stream news paper with a nearly perfect positive take on home births. Maybe we can become a more civilized nation after all, and by civilized I do mean civilized births, too.

What do you say

Earlier this week I had a conversation with Babyhead that I was hoping I wouldn't have to have for QUITE some time... but alas, it happened despite my best efforts.

I was driving the girls to school and out of nowhere Babyhead says "my legs are fat" I nearly drove off the road. I nearly never say anything bad about myself anyway, but I am very careful not to say ANYTHING in front of her. Daughters get their healthy self-esteem (or not-so-healthy) from their mothers (thank you mom!!) so I make certain that she only sees positive. Plus she is 3 - what the hell does she already know about being fat. So being the intuitive parent (and slightly protective of her innocence) I asked her why she said that. She said "Ralph told me my legs are fat" (I will not post this child's real name for protection purposes, but he is one of her best friends at school) I said "baby, you are supposed to have fat legs. you are a kiddo. that way you can grow up big and strong. just like having a cute fat belly like you have!" (I tried my damnedest to play it off, but it really pissed me off that she was being subjected to this. I know where the other child is getting it from - his mom - and now it is being pushed on my child) I know I can't control everything, or really anything, but seriously - a THREE YEAR OLD telling me she is FAT.

WTF?????

All of this and it makes me wonder about these parents. Who in their right God damn mind would ever do this to their child. These kids are suppose to be playing with Lego's and learning to swim and eating McDonald's french fries - and not wondering how many calories they are burning OR consuming. (Disclaimer - I personally don't actually feed my child McDonald's very often. In fact in her 3+ years on this planet she has had is less then 5 times. That I know of)

BUT my point is this. How can someone like me, whom I consider (biasedly so) to be a pretty normal run-of-the-mill-mom exist in the same dimension as those moms? And isn't this like borderline illegal? like child prostitution? Teaching your kid to stripper dance for points and traipse around in a swimsuit? at 3???

Ok now that I am really pissed off, maybe I should write a letter to TLC instead.

Oh - and have I ever SEEN the show? Yes. On maternity leave. It was like a car wreck. I couldn't stop watching it because it was horrendous. And I also made a note of the people advertising and vowed to never buy their products, though now I have forgotten who those advertisers were... Oh well.

5 years ago today

5 years ago today rob asked me to marry him.

wow.

5 years.

really?

and i couldn't be happier!

love you baby!

Fatty McNatty

i didn't do her 3 month update, but here it is. she is laughing, smiling at everyone, sleeping through the night (most of the time), eating like a champion, growing like a, well, baby, and generally proving to be the best little baby in the world!

yes she does still fit in this outfit, barely.

Family

my brother and soon-to-be-sister-in-law were in town the past weekend. i got to meet laura for the first time and she is awesome! we spent a lot of time in the pool, and on friday we took them out to eat at the republic and then got drinks at the chicken. satuday in true aggie fashion we tailgated before the game. my brother had some really cute pictures so i will have to get those from him. sunday we just hung out in the pool, smoked some chicken on the grill, and drank beer. can't get much better then that.

i wish they would have stayed longer, but alas, we all have to live in the real world.

I'm Famous

Well, not really, but blog famous so that counts for something, right?

http://nursingbirth.wordpress.com/2009/09/03/natural-vbac-hospital-birth-one-readers-empowering-experience/

Movin' on up

Old house - courtyard

Old House - front

New House - front

New House, back yard

New House kitchen - I love the built in coffee maker!

BUT i really miss my house

And it isn't just the stats in Florida - it's everywhere!

an interesting article about VBAC's.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/health/article1017868.ece

Dentist

Babyhead got her teeth cleaned for the first time today! she got a toy afterward and then I took her to lunch to celebrate. I was so proud of her. And she loved it. So she must be my child. I love the dentist. It is like a spa for your teeth.

She said WHAT?

OK - so I should have known better. I should have realized that Babyhead was at that age. I know she is smart and is starting to take it all in. Really get it, you know? But this weekend beats it all -

My friend Meredith and I were hanging out in the pool where Babyhead decided "the hell with a nap I am going swimming". So she comes out and we strip her down to her birthday suit since I have no clue as to where and in what box her swimming suit is. We are playing and having fun. Meredith is helping out A LOT (thank god for her) and I am taking advantage of it. Rob comes out to do some work in the flower beds. I asked him what he is doing and Meredith tell me he is digging up the bodies. We all laugh. I don't really know how it happened - but I asked Rob something else, and in then in that distance-traveling-tone that 3yos have, standing there stark naked, Babyhead screams "Daddy is digging up the bodies, mommy!"

Did I mention that we moved and now live in a neighborhood where the neighbors can HEAR YOU...

It was funny. Sad, but funny.

Thanks again Meredith :)

my "you are going to hell" post

Well, maybe not that extreme, since I do a lot of things that probably have gotten me a ticket to the sauna, but then again, I think there is a small amount of fun one is allowed to have before you go straight to hell upon death.

BUT to the point...

If you want REALLY GOOD PEOPLE WATCHING - make sure you make it to your local county courthouse on Child Support Day.

Trust me, it's amazing. The outfits that some of the people were wearing, if I were the judge I would have kicked them out. I understand that these people might be in dire straights, but come on, you are going to a COURT ROOM not a CLUB. For real. Have some respect people. I so WISH I would have had my camera with me. Words could never do it justice.

911 emergency, can you hold please?

Seriously. On our way back from Houston on Saturday, we drove by Hill Country BBQ. It is in the middle on NOWHERE and while we have never been there we figured either it must be REALLY good or REALLY bad.

We drive up hwy 6 and Rob says "hey hill country bbq is on fire" and I don't really know what I thought he said but I didn't think he meant "on FIRE".

There was a shorter older man on the roof with a pitiful looking water hose trying very hard to put out the 10 foot flames leaping through the roof. If you have never seen someone try and put out a fire with a water hose, it is actually really pitiful. One doesn't realize just how little water is coming out, even at full force.

So Rob says "what should we do?" and I tell him to call 911 and let them know. So he calls. And gets put on hold. SERIOUSLY.

Apparently it connected to the wrong county, but still....

BUT the best part is the conversation that Rob and the call lady had

"911 - what's your emergency?"
"yeah, we just drove by Hill Country BBQ on Hwy 6 and it is on fire"
"uh huh.... Sir, are you sure it was on fire?? Maybe it's just their BBQ?" (said in a VERY condescending way)
"Uh, yeah, since there is a man with a hose on the roof trying to put out the 10 foot flames leaping out of the building I am pretty sure it isn't just their brisket smoking"

Needless to say, we are hoping that they actually sent help, and didn't just think we were calling in on some nice ribs and chicken. We never saw any emergency vehicles come down the highway, but it is possible that they came up from behind us. We just hope everyone is OK, and that they had insurance, because they couldn't have been open for more than 6 months yet.

And speaking of Fatty McNatty

2 things

1)In the family picture, please note that that is a 9 week old baby I am holding
2) When I got her dressed today I put her in jeans that Madison wore for her first picture with Santa - when she was 4 months old. Hana is 11 weeks. And they are really too tight on her

Fatty McNatty!

My conversation with an 11 week old...

(this will be written translated for the reader, since if I were to spell Hana's words phonetically, everyone would think she was just babbling. think Stewie from Family Guy, except nice)

"MOMMY"
"Hi baby Hana!! Good morning!"
"OMG mom! you would not BELIEVE the dream I just had"
"Oh Fatty McNatty! Whats the matter?"
"No listen mom - I had this dream. that THEY took the boobies away! Can you believe that!"
"It's OK Fatty McNatty, the boobies are right here"
"Oh and mom I am sitting in the biggest piss filled diaper you can imagine - can we do something about that?"
"OH Hana! That is A LOT of pee-pee in your diaper"
"Yeah, not shit mom, I just said that"
"Does that feel better?"
"Yes - my butt is no longer sitting in a wad of wetness, thank you"
"Are you hungry?"
"Do bears.... never mind"
"Here you go sweetie"
"<>"
"Ouch! hey I know you are hungry but good lord!"
"Stop talking to me mommy - I am really busy here and...
...
GOD I LOVE THE BOOBIES"
"aww look at that sweet little smile! are you happy baby Hana?"
"yum yum yum... Stupid dreams. Taking my boobies away...I'll show them"

OK - so maybe I am crazy. Sitting there imagining what Fatty McNatty would be saying. But it is fun...

Superpower and Superpowerless

Babyhead tells me this morning that I don't need to eat breakfast. I asked her why. She said it was becasue I have superpowers. I have NO idea where she gets this stuff from, but OK. I think the ONLY superpower I have at the moment is making de-licious boobymilk for Fatty McNatty. But hey if she thinks I have superpowers beyond that, I'll take it.

On the way to drop them off at school/daycare, we took Rob to get my car which has been in the shop. After we dropped him off, Babyhead kept worrying about him...
"mommy?'
"yes baby"
"where's daddy"
"he went to pick up mommy's car"
"... ... that's SILLY"
"huh?"
"he can't pick up your car! it's too big"

OK, so mommy has superpowers and daddy is powerless...

Babyhead and Fatty McNatty #2

Just some mug shots of the accused




And don't tell me they look innocent. trust me... guilty as charged! :)